“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ” . . . If it weren’t for Christians, I’d be a Christian.” ~ Gandhi
It is not unusual for Christians today to verbally assault one another. This can be in person but can also be online. As a result, the world sees people who profess to follow Jesus, fighting, lying, and hurting one another.
You’ll think I’m making this up … In the choir loft on Sunday morning, a lady behind me was talking when she shouldn’t be talking. One of the gentlemen behind her tapped her to be quiet and she said loudly “If he does that again, I’m going to punch his lights out.” Yes – I heard it with my own ears. She actually said that out loud in church on Sunday morning.
That was not the time or place for me to say something to her but I am going to look for an opportunity.
It is OK for Christians to disagree and even debate. When these are done in Christian love, they can actually be healthy as they can challenge us in our faith.
But when disagreements turn into personal attacks, when people start judging the motives of others, when people start taking comments out of context, then we’ve moved into walking in the flesh. (as opposed to walking in the spirit)
The end result is that the name of Jesus is what really takes the hit. Our reputation as a Christian is tarnished and any impact we could have on the world around us is hindered.
So how do we change it? What do we as Christians need to do when there is a problem in the body of Christ?
1. Go to the person privately and ask them what they meant by what they said, did, or wrote.
Matthew 18:15 “"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”
Remember to treat them how you would want to be treated should someone be coming to you.
2. When you go to another believer privately, ask them questions. Don’t jump to conclusions and don’t make accusations. Accusations based on second or third hand information can often be inaccurate.
3. Never judge someone’s motives or intentions. You and I can’t see into someone else’s heart. We really don’t know when things are done intentionally or just coincidentally or accidentally. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
1 Corinthians 13:5 – 6 “Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”
4. Never gossip about or slander another Christian.
Matthew 7:12 “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you”
Someone once said, “The Christian army is the only one that shoots its own wounded.”
Many Christians don’t even understand what gossip and slander is.
Gossip is second or third hand information that someone tells you without your prior consent and without the consent of the person being gossiped about. Gossip can be true, partially true, or completely false. It can be motivated by good intentions, but it’s always negative personal information about another that puts them in a bad light.
Slander is accusatory speech that is injurious to a person’s name and reputation. It’s essentially character assassination. Gossip and slander color people’s perceptions of an individual unfairly and unjustly without their knowledge or consent. One major component in both of these sins is that the person being torn down is out of the loop.
“Never pass anything on about anybody else that will hurt him. “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). The talebearer has no place in God’s favor. If you know something that would hinder or hurt the reputation of one of God’s children, bury it forever. Find a little garden out back — a little spot somewhere — and when somebody comes around with an evil story, take it out and bury it and say, “Here lies in peace the story about my brother.” God will take care of it. “With what judgment you judge, you shall be judged.”
If you want God to be good to you, you are going to have to be good to His children. You say, “But that’s not grace.” Well, grace gets you into the kingdom of God. That is unmerited favor. But after you are seated at the Father’s table, He expects to teach you table manners. And He won’t let you eat unless you obey the etiquette of the table. And what is that? The etiquette of the table is that you don’t tell stories about the brother who is sitting at the table with you — no matter what his denomination, or nationality, or background.” (from Five Vows for Spiritual Power by A. W. Tozer).
In the pursuit of peace and the building up of others, our words play an important role. Our words should be carefully chosen, and designed to build up, not to destroy.
Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Ephesians 4:31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”
James 3:10 “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.”
5. Seek peace.
Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
I know that we aren’t all going to agree on everything. In fact, that is sometimes a very good thing as it makes us examine what we believe and why we believe it. None of us is perfect. We should each be open to correction. However, how you approach someone is vitally important.
6. Protect your witness. Remember that the world is watching how we behave. You can be a wiz at sharing your faith but if your lifestyle doesn’t match it, no one will listen. How you treat one another is extremely important to your relationship with God and your impact on the world around you.
Philippians 2:2 “then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.”
Additional References:
Proverbs 16:28 “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.”
Proverbs 10:18 “He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool.”
James 4:11 “Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.”
Proverbs 18:21 “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
James 3:6 “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”
Titus 3:1-2 “Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men. “
Galatians 5:13 “But if you bite and devour one another, take heed that you don’t consume one another”
Psalm 15
“Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?
He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman,
who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the Lord,
who keeps his oath even when it hurts,
who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things will never be shaken.”
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